I'm here to tell you the truth. You are wonderfully made and treasured in the eyes of God. There is no sin too big God can't forgive. Forgiving oneself can be the hardest thing to do. At the end of the day all you have is God. Lay your burdens down at his feet and don't let go. I know it seems hard sometimes just to wake up out of the bed. Lean not unto your own understanding but unto God's unchanging hand . Keep holding on. Don't let the enemy rob you of all the joy God has in store for you. Think of the future. The simple things.