Whitney has helped me cope with the abandonment issues I have from my Dad, Uncle, Grandmother & Step-Grandmother.
~~This title is extremely embarrassing for me to admit to on the internet for all to see, but I want Whitney to know she has kept my head up when I didn't think it was possible.~~
Growing up my life was amazing, until I was 1 year old. My mom had dated my father for 5 years before getting married, but 2 months into their marriage my mom knew something was wrong. My dad was a "closet" alcoholic who would go down in the basement for hours drinking alcohol. My mom decided enough was enough and told my dad. He completely flipped out and drank more than ever. He did some things that caused him to get a 5-10 yr jail sentence. During the trial my family was so scared for our safety we had to "hide-out" at my grandfather & step-grandmother's house for 3 years. I remember being 4 years old seeing my grandfather sitting in a chair all night with his gun by his side in case someone found us.
During this time my step-grandmother introduced me to Whitney Houston. The first time I had ever heard Whitney, I was 4 years old and we were driving to Dunkin Donuts to get some hot chocolate. The song was "Run To You" and she would sing it to me every night before I went to sleep. Before she would start singing she would always tell me how much she loved me and would never again let me feel any pain. Once I was 5 yrs old I knew all the lyrics to 6 Whitney songs (Run To You, I Will Always Love You, I'm Your Baby Tonight, I'm Every Woman, I Have Nothing & Queen Of The Night) and watched the Bodyguard on a weekly basis. My life was finally getting on the right track after such a rocky start.
Unfortunately, my rocky start was FAR from over. My dad was going to be release from jail after only 5 years. Since the divorce was so horrible, my mom feared he would come after us so we left all our family behind and moved to Florida to hide. I continued listening to Whitney as much as possible because it reminded me of the safety I felt as a child. When I was 9 years old, my step-grandmother left my life forever. She took all the money my grandfather had in the house and took the entire college fund my family had been saving since I was born. The woman, who always told me she would never let me feel any pain ever again, shattered my heart. The last time I ever saw her was Dec. 27, 1997; to this very day even the thought of her brings instant tears to my eyes and a sharp pain in my heart. She didn't know it at the time, but when she left me I became the words from Run To You, "Oh a girl who's scared sometimes, Who isn't always strong, Can't you see the hurt in me, I feel so all alone." My heart created a giant band-aid that allowed me to go through the motions of life, but never allowing anyone to ever get close enough to hurt me again.
Going through the motions year after year as I got older became easier every passing day. I had become a girl who was always paranoid of her father coming back into my life and kept family and friends at a distance so I wouldn't get hurt. If I ever felt overwhelmed or didn't think I could keep this act up, Whitney reminded me of all the good times I had once shared with my step-grandmother. Over the next 10 years, Whitney Houston movies and songs were the only things that brought a true smile to my face, because of the memories associated with her.
Now 21 years old and in college, my already small family (mom, grandfather, uncle & grandmother) got even smaller. My grandmother assaulted my mother and a restraining order was placed against her. My grandmother has left me over 80 voicemails and over half of them are her justifying her actions against my mother and trying to convince me, "your mother is the monster ruining our family." After every call and voicemail, I escape the pain through listening to Whitney. I feel as though I'm in a time warp, and can go back to when my family was whole and only my father wasn't in the picture. My uncle believes all the lies my grandmother says about my mother and because of that he has stopped talking to me. I've tried contacting him, but with no luck. There are NO words to express how horrible it is to know the next time I see and talk to my grandmother and uncle is when I'm standing over their caskets saying my final goodbye. Luck for me Whitney has blasted back with her new CD that lets me go back to a time where my family was peaceful, loving, caring and most important whole.
**Whitney, (if you ever read this)
Thank you for the powerful music you have created that can pull me out of the deepest caves I've faced so far. You've kept my head up even when my mom couldn't get it up. I look to your music and movies as a source of inner strength that makes me smile no matter what is going on around me. I wish I could personally meet you to truly let you know how much you have helped me stay strong for myself and my mom. I could say thank you until I'm blue in the face, but even then you wouldn't know how thankful I am. Keep making your music and come back to America so I can see you in concert and try to buy the meet & greet package to meet you and go back in time to a better place.
Thank you & God Bless,